Managing big emotions can be really hard sometimes, If you’ve ever watched your child melt down over the “wrong” way you cut the cucumber or suddenly explode with frustration, you know how big emotions can feel in a little body.
As parents, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or unsure of what to do in those moments; but the good news is, we can teach our kids how to understand and manage their emotions.
Emotional regulation doesn’t come naturally, it’s a learned skill, just like reading or riding a bike. And home is the best place to start. With patience, consistency, and a few practical tools, we can help our kids navigate their feelings in healthy, God-honoring ways.
Children experience big emotions throughout their development. And as parents we must remember that they are trying to understand their feelings, so this is not the time to retaliate. Their feelings are confusing, and they struggle to control them. Furthermore, they lack the maturity to understand and express their emotions.
Teaching emotional intelligence involves taking a deep breath, putting ourselves in their shoes, and trying to see it from their point of view.
Why Emotional Regulation Matters
When children learn to identify and manage their emotions:
They develop stronger relationships
They feel safer and more confident
They’re better equipped to solve problems and make good choices
They’re less likely to express frustration through outbursts, aggression, or withdrawal
It’s not about stopping big feelings, it’s about teaching what to do with them.
What can we do to help our children learn to manage their emotions?
Name to tame it
To manage emotions effectively, we must be able to correctly identify them: One of the most powerful tools we can give our children is language for their emotions. Start teaching feelings words early and often.
What physical reactions do they generate?
How do I feel?
Are we happy, sad, worried, etc.?
How to do it:
Use books, pictures, or emojis to talk about different emotions.
Say things like: “You look frustrated that we had to leave the park,” or “I see you’re feeling sad right now.”
Model it yourself: “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”
Taking photographs, asking them what they feel so they learn to identify them in themselves and others, thus developing the skill of empathy
Connect Before You Correct
In emotional moments, connection is more powerful than correction. When your child is disregulated, they’re not ready to listen or learn, they need your calm presence first.
Try saying:
“I’m here. You’re safe.”
“It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit. Let’s figure out a better way.”
“I’ll sit with you until you’re ready to talk.”
This doesn’t mean you ignore behavior, it means you lead with empathy before teaching.
Practice Through Play
Children process emotions through play. Role-playing with toys, drawing pictures, or making up stories helps them express themselves safely and understand others better.
Try these ideas:
Puppet shows about feeling frustrated or disappointed
Drawing faces showing different emotions
Reading books about emotions and asking, “What do you think the character feels?”
Invite God into the Process
As Christian parents, we know that emotional growth isn’t just a mental skill—it’s also a heart journey. Teach your children that they can bring their emotions to God too.
You can say:
“Jesus cares about your feelings, even the angry or sad ones.”
“Let’s pray and ask God to help you feel peace.”
Memorize simple verses like: ‘Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you’ (1 Peter 5:7).
Over time, they’ll learn not just to regulate emotions, but to surrender them to God.
“Children won’t always do what adults say, but eventually, they will do what adults do.”
You can click here to check out my recommendations on some things you can use at home.
Coping Strategies
Coping strategies are what we do and think to overcome difficult situations. Children who develop positive coping strategies become resilient adults, as they learn to manage their emotions and reduce stress.
Discouraging negative strategies and encouraging positive ones. For example, parents can discourage self-blame and encourage and model asking for help and remaining calm when faced with a problem.
Encouraging children to talk to an adult about their problems
Acknowledging their children’s feelings and problems and discussing different ways they can cope with the situation
Create a Calm-Down Toolbox: Create a “calm-down space” at home stocked with comforting items and ideas. Tools to include:
A favorite stuffed animal or cozy blanket
A small container of Play-Doh or a sensory toy
A feelings chart or emotion cards
Calming music or a playlist
A glitter jar or a pinwheel for slow breathing
Teach calming techniques:
Deep “belly breaths” (Smell the flower, blow out the candle)
Counting slowly to 10
Hugging a pillow
Drawing how they feel
“We must remember that as parents, we must help children cope with negative emotions instead of avoiding them.”
Strategies I use.
Create a relaxation area somewhere in your home.
Create a relaxation kit with relaxing activities chosen by your child (music, books, sand, clay, etc.).
Practice deep breathing.
Role-play and create fictional scenarios to practice dealing with different emotions.
Create a character to represent anxiety. It’s easier to respond to a character they can visualize in the moment.
Include a massage in their nighttime routine to talk about emotions.
Ask them what their favorite part of the day was and how they felt.
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